SATIRE

Writing Copious Amount Of Ideas On Notebook Paper Spawned A Monster

Don’t write many listicles

Photo from Let’s Make a Room.

It’s early dawn as I sit at my desk thinking of ideas to write articles about. As I pondered, the bird sang their morning ballad, and a neighbor weed whacked three blocks away. I sat there conquering up what on earth to write? A listicle, personal essay, or maybe an idea so clever, it’s foolish not to note it down.

When the lightbulb struck, I aimed my pencil to the notebook paper to write a viral hit when the ground rumbled. At first, I assumed it was an earthquake, and I attempted to ignore it; no one would stop me from writing my viral hit. Yet the rumble persisted. Okay, this must be the big one everyone keeps clamoring about, I thought. Knowing I was in danger, I finished scribbling my idea and hid under my desk, hoping the quake takes me away quickly and painlessly.

Within moments, the rumbling stopped. I opened my eyes to peek through the window under my desk to see any outside destruction. No, everything’s aligned; no wreckage. Peering through the window, I heard a growl, and my body lifted from the ground. Before I can react, something thin grabbed me by the torso. It directed me to its field of vision, where I witness something I couldn’t explain to a scientist. A thin, thin, eyeless creature with black markings throughout its alabaster body held me ever so closely.

I was being handled by a 20-foot notebook monster who came from nowhere. Not wanting to gawk at the creature’s face, I turned my neck to the desk to see my notebook paper ideas have vanished. I gulped and turned my neck back to stare at the animate notebook sheets. Out of nowhere, the creature spoke:

“Do you know why I’m here?” the monster growled.

“No,” I said, glaring away from its eyes.

“I’m here because of all the ridiculous ideas you wrote on me. Ten best shades of black, five comfortable public benches to sleep on, and five people you’ll meet in hell. Why would write such nonsense? What’s wrong with you?” said the monster.

“Nothing, I’m just being funny,” I said.

“There’s nothing funny about these ideas, they’re stupid,” howled the monster.