First, you need bread
After a long night of wiping surfaces for the man, you finally get home. It’s monotonous wiping others’ filth; you think you saw one employee spit on a table and stared directly at you after releasing his bodily fluids while motioning you to clean it. At least someone’s making my job enjoyable, you thought. No matter how much you dislike your job, it paid well, so who’s complaining?
You arrive home with a ravenous appetite. You forgot to bring food to work and spent the entire day yearning for food. You craved for a Peanut Butter, Bacon, and Banana sandwich, and thinking about eating it enlightened your taste buds. Speed walking to the door, you dropped your belongings as entered the house to prepare the tasty meal. A montage began as you grabbed all the ingredients for the delicacy. Hunger sped up the making of the sandwich, and before you could breathe, the perfect sandwich gives upon you: Two slices of grilled white bread, homemade PB, two pieces of mouth-watering bacon, and banana slices. A spark twinkled in your eyes as you couldn’t believe you made such a meal.
As you reach for the sandwich, a loud sound struck your house. You turned to see an illuminating light pierce your eyes. Out of the light, a tall silhouetted figure appears.
“Thank you, thank you very much; I’ll be back soon, y’all.” says the silhouetted figure.
The figure approaches you, and as the radiant light dwindles, you see it’s none other than Elvis Presley. A young Elvis Presley; from the start of his career. Sporting a gray suit and black suede shoes.
“Ah, Elvis Presley?” You said.
“Yeah, that’s me, kid,” Elvis says
You ignore the fact that he called you a kid and continue to ask him questions.
“Wait, aren’t you dead?” you said
“No, I’m living in Cuba, and I used my secret agent source to teleport- ah, I said too much,” Elvis said
“I knew it.”
Elvis grows a big smirk on his face. “I’m teasing you, kid; I’m dead, but the way I died isn’t true.”
“You didn’t die in the bathroom because you took too many pills?”
“I died in the bathroom, but I was eating a Peanut Butter Bacon Sandwich when I died.”
You stood there confused as Elvis explained his demise.
“So, I told my wife I was heading to the toilet, and I told her to make me a Peanut Butter Bacon Banana sandwich. She said I shouldn’t, as I was consuming one every day, and it’s been clogging up my arteries, but I didn’t care; I wanted my sandwich. She refused to make me a sandwich as it’s gross to eat a sandwich in the bathroom, so she went to bed, and I had no sandwich. So, I snuck into the kitchen to make a sandwich. Once I made the sandwich, I sat down on the toilet to eat; pleasuring every bite. Before I could finish it, I felt funny. My body soon felt numb and started drooping to the ground. I need to finish my sandwich before losing all feeling. So I said as I fainted, one… last… bite… Then I dropped on the floor without an idea what happened next. The wife found me on the floor with three-quarters of the sandwich beside me.”
Holding in a laugh, you continue asking Elvis questions.
“So, how did you get here if you’re dead?” you said
“I used a particular gateway I designed in heaven that tells me when people made Peanut Butter Bacon, Banana sandwiches,” Elvis confidently said
“There are millions of people who are making the same food as me; why me?”
“Looks like you’re the lucky one, kid. So gimme that sandwich!”
“No, I worked hard tonight to not deserve this baby!”
Elvis’s expression elevated in a fury from the response as if preparing for a brawl, but he collected himself and eased in conversation.
“I’ll cut you a deal,” he said
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“I give you an autograph.”
“I’m not a fan, Mr. Presley. No deal.”
“Someone in your family must be.”
“My mom is a massive fan of yours. So much of a fan, she calls you her boyfriend.”
“That’s right, huh?” he said, smiling
“Okay then, I’ll sign a picture for your ma, and you hand me that sandwich, kid.”
“I’ll take the autograph, but you still can’t have the sandwich.”
“Run up a tight bargain, kid. Okay, here’s what we will do; I’ll give you the autograph, and I ask for half of your sandwich. Sounds good?”
You thought it over for a minute and gave half of the sandwich to Elvis so he can stop bothering you.
Elvis smiles in agreement and walks to the sandwich sitting on the counter.
“Pleasure doing business with you, kid,” Elvis said as the portal reappeared.
Elvis entered the portal as the intense light covered the room. When Elvis entered the portal, the light quickly diminished, sending a Shockwave through the room.
You readjust your eyes to the immense brightest and turn around to devour your reward. By surprise, the sandwich wasn’t on the plate. You felt startled and then immediately began laughing obnoxiously.
“I must have been hungry; let’s make another,” you said